I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize