I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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