He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
