My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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