I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.