I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?