The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So much Jack, so little girl.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!