my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
bring money and cleavage
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
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There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.