I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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