Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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