My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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