She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
