I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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