Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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