shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
