The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
