How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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