My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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