I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
