You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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