He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
