My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The ass gains better be worth it
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