I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
