Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
