I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
