Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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