Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
