Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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