omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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