then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
