I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
