If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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