found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
