Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
