What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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