My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
