Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.