I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though