Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept

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  (773): I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept http://tfl.nu/49pe
  Replies (10) Good night (552) Bad night (1818)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

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  (817): matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere. http://tfl.nu/fb8z
  Replies (6) Good night (2295) Bad night (760)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls

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  (203): Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls http://tfl.nu/wu3r
  Replies (62) Good night (3427) Bad night (1075)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.

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  (303): So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper. http://tfl.nu/p0yj
  Replies (34) Good night (886) Bad night (5761)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

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  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
  Replies (22) Good night (4980) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.

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  (205): She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends. http://tfl.nu/ogdq
  Replies (5) Good night (956) Bad night (2469)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?

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  (214): Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night? http://tfl.nu/uwcg
  Replies (20) Good night (2793) Bad night (1072)
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  (510): View more from California

  It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

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  (510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx
  Replies (4) Good night (3069) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.

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  (515): Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad. http://tfl.nu/2fcz
  Replies (7) Good night (2379) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.

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  (314): Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me. http://tfl.nu/z9vp
  Replies (6) Good night (3094) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?

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  (714): Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit? http://tfl.nu/0nii
  Replies (5) Good night (1115) Bad night (574)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?

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  (610): Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos? http://tfl.nu/shbv
  Replies (5) Good night (1066) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..

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  (940): Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku.. http://tfl.nu/zv8o
  Replies (1) Good night (893) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning

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  (336): Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning http://tfl.nu/wjev
  Replies (4) Good night (337) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks

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  (304): Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks http://tfl.nu/ee5p
  Replies (1) Good night (433) Bad night (284)

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