Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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  (603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv
  Replies (20) Good night (970) Bad night (5722)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

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  (313): I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures. http://tfl.nu/7qyy
  Replies (91) Good night (1317) Bad night (11894)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

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  (318): Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity. http://tfl.nu/izk8
  Replies (66) Good night (556) Bad night (4719)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry

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  (609): I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry http://tfl.nu/vmjm
  Replies (10) Good night (813) Bad night (4567)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.

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  (+44): I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/7cvo
  Replies (21) Good night (8649) Bad night (771)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

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  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
  Replies (18) Good night (8162) Bad night (1292)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.

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  (506): I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace. http://tfl.nu/37qg
  Replies (18) Good night (3649) Bad night (968)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.

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  (740): She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/9d1v
  Replies (11) Good night (808) Bad night (4912)
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  (310): View more from California

  ...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."

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  (310): ...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately." http://tfl.nu/g8d2
  Replies (4) Good night (3537) Bad night (1008)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.

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  (330): Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day. http://tfl.nu/k05y
  Replies (11) Good night (2746) Bad night (944)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere

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  (434): She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere http://tfl.nu/6t7j
  Replies (9) Good night (3071) Bad night (1192)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it

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  (802): I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it http://tfl.nu/32uz
  Replies (4) Good night (1135) Bad night (568)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.

  (1-563): View more from Iowa

  I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.

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  (563): The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers. (1-563): I desperately wanted to wear your shirt. http://tfl.nu/ni9x
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (382)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY

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  (309): QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY http://tfl.nu/578t
  Replies (2) Good night (431) Bad night (187)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed

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  (609): at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed http://tfl.nu/o3zy
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (258)

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