Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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  (248): Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll http://tfl.nu/ubae
  Replies (0) Good night (764) Bad night (853)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?

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  (404): What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning? http://tfl.nu/h6ji
  Replies (19) Good night (1756) Bad night (748)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

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  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7959) Bad night (1072)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.

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  (708): Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected. http://tfl.nu/ilck
  Replies (53) Good night (1312) Bad night (10845)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up

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  (404): It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up http://tfl.nu/zf6y
  Replies (27) Good night (1055) Bad night (4732)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel

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  (432): the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel http://tfl.nu/t4be
  Replies (18) Good night (3534) Bad night (1324)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.

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  (810): I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio. http://tfl.nu/bxp9
  Replies (10) Good night (984) Bad night (3006)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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  (360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn
  Replies (15) Good night (5439) Bad night (1612)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend

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  (254): I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend http://tfl.nu/xabf
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (954)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.

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  (217): I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well. http://tfl.nu/junb
  Replies (5) Good night (1148) Bad night (919)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?

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  (940): Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments? http://tfl.nu/lsft
  Replies (3) Good night (1218) Bad night (598)
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  (858): View more from California

  you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.

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  (858): you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you. http://tfl.nu/hkpv
  Replies (2) Good night (1276) Bad night (335)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.

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  (901): lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit. http://tfl.nu/r29h
  Replies (4) Good night (741) Bad night (351)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.

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  (202): Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT. http://tfl.nu/ohed
  Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (410)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.

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  (250): Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street (250): It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any. http://tfl.nu/mi10
  Replies (1) Good night (773) Bad night (380)

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