The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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