I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
