I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?