1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
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The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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