So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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