The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
