I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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