I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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