my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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