I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize