you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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