She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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