I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
