I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
