True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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