I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
