I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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