Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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