i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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