nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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