this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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