in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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