Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
