Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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