I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
