I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
