So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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