Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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