A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize