The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
