The maid of honor just puked.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was