1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet