what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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