i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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