Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
