you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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